Short Attention Span Review™
Quite possibly one of the worst major studio scifi movies in the past few decades. Definitely the worst of the first decade of the 2000s. Just a horrible production of an even more horrible script, plagued by shoddy science, poor plot, and video game quality special effects. Just avoid this movie, even if you see it being broadcast for free on television.
The text below the break is part of a theatrical review originally published on January 15, 2000*.
Here are some updated thoughts: Supernova was a film so bad at release that even the director and studio knew it. Yet it was still pushed on unsuspecting consumers. How bad was it? The pseudonym of Thomas Lee was used on promotional material instead of the name of the movie’s true director, Walter Hill. It’s a tactic employed when someone is too embarrassed to be associated with a project. Not only was the project crippled by poor studio support, it was doomed by an extremely bad science fiction script . . . every part of which is laughable, unbelievable, inconsistent, and implausible. The film cost $90 million to make, back in the late 90s, and made back next to nothing. By comparison here are the budgets of other science fiction movies from the same year that either looked far better or actually made money: Pitch Black $23 million, X-Men $75 million, Red Planet $80 million.
I’ve not seen the movie in 15 years. I have a mild curiosity to watch it just for a good laugh. But you’re asking: There must be something good about Supernova? There must be a glimpse of a silver lining?!
Nope. Amy really didn’t have much to say back in 2000, and any self respecting science fiction fan who actually likes this movie should question their love of the genre.
Okay fellow moviegoers, I’m going to keep this short and sweet. What we have here is one of the worst movies to come out of Hollywood in a long time. This is my first F given since I started doing reviews for this site, and Supernova deserves it! This plot is so pathetically asinine, that not even I could dream of something so stupid . . . and believe me, I’m good and conjuring stupidity from nothingness, but not this good! Even if I had just been hit by a sleigh pulled by unicorns, was doped up on hallucinogens, was abducted by leprechauns and asked to tell the story of my adventure, it would not be as ridiculous as this movie!
Here’s how it goes: alien bombs are planted by some super alien race in hopes space faring civilizations will stumble over them and clean the galaxy of lower life form vermin. Well, gee Mr. Scriptwriter, the super aliens just wouldn’t want to go and wipe out those civilizations instead of cruising around planting bombs on barren planets in hopes that space faring vermin just stumble across them. Oh, and get this . . . the bombs are made of 9th dimension material . . . oooooh, how science fictiony . . . and it makes you horny when you touch it. Yeah, you just read that, and it’s okay to laugh, I did. Shoddy science? Check! The barren planet is a 3000 light year journey from Earth, but it would only take the shock wave 51 years to reach Earth. Ummm, what? If it traveled at the speed of light the shock wave would take 3000 years to reach Earth. Now this is assuming that they started near Earth when they warped. Let’s throw the scriptwriter 1000 light years leeway. Hell, it would still take 2000 years minimum for a supernova shock wave to reach Earth! I think a monkey wrote this script, because a monkey would know more about basic science than this script writer. The acting was ho-hum (what did you expect), the special effects where a step above video game quality, and the ending . . . I can hear you begging me to stop the torture, and I will. The ending makes watching that happy painter guy on PBS (Bob Ross) exciting . . . damn exciting. Just a horrible, horrible movie.
Plot . . . was there a plot? Hmm . . . you hated the movie and still got much more out of it than I did. I didn’t fall asleep; I don’t know how, but I managed to stay awake through this tedious, yawner the mysterious “they” call a movie! You know, I could have handled 9th dimensional material that emits sensual moans every time it’s seen if the stupid thing would have been more interesting than an alien bomb. Wow . . . I wonder how long it took the scriptwriter to come up with that creative plot device. And the ending . . . don’t get me started on the lame ending! I honestly don’t think I can take another movie with such a stupid ending . . . it’s bad enough that I had to sit through House on Haunted Hill and now this. Give me a break!
Note: I’m revisiting and re-posting many older articles (almost 200) I’ve written (or contributed to) over the years, either for my own purposes or as contributions to other sites now long digitally decayed and dormant. These reviews/articles will appear in their nearly raw, unaltered form, with a few updated thoughts at the beginning of each.
He Said, She Said was a movie blog (before blogs were a thing) where Amy and I would go to movies and write short and easily accessible compare & contrast reviews. Sometimes we agreed . . . and sometimes not. Above all we never took the movies, or ourselves, too seriously.